Still work to do...

Don't go to Africa. Specifically, don't spend time in a country like Malawi. You are BOUND TO MISS the people. You are destined to wish you were still there!! You'll end up feeling empty and lost for at least a week after you return. 

Don't get me wrong, my family is here and they are my everything. I love my wife more each day. I love my kids immensely.  I don't want to leave them again for two weeks any time soon!

But you don't realize how tiring the "rat race" is until you get a few days to step out of it. 

We had a sheltered existence in Malawi.  We saw poverty, but didn't have to experience it ourselves. We saw disease, famine, and illness, but were protected by careful choices and medication. I am aware that living in Malawi is far different than visiting Malawi. This is especially true considering the privileged and sheltered life we are afforded in United States.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Africa who live a life that is at times much more difficult than my own.  But, while it's probably unhealthy and borderline sinful to do so, I also envy them.  I do miss the person I "was" while with them. I miss how effortless friendship and love seemed to be. I miss handshakes and "how are you(s)" that were more than passing courtesies.  I miss conversations that all seemed to be centered around faith and community experiences. I am more tired today than I have been in weeks.  I know some of it is jet-lag and transitioning back to Iowa time. But some of it is expending energy on things that don't seem meaningful but are necessary in our culture. 

I wouldn't make it two weeks on my own in Malawi. It's easy to play the role of "missionary" on a team that is built and prepared to succeed, both spiritually and financially. So I hope as you read this you understand I'm not making these comments in a vacuum. 

So I guess I started this blog with the wrong words. Please, go to Africa. Or, take a few weeks to be in mission and service somewhere... even if its close to home. But be prepared to either miss it when you return, or bold enough to try to change your world to match your experiences.  I hope I find the courage for more of the latter as soon as possible.

I'll be praying for you. Pray for each other. 

John Wagner